I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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