fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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