I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
