i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
