I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
