I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cockslap morals
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
