a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
