Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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