I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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