I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
