I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
