Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
