do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
