oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
