Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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