Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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