We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
