I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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