hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
