Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
