I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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