I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
