you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
