he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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