i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
