i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
