well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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