So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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