My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
