i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The adults are the big ones right?
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