let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
