I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
