alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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