I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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