i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
