The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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