We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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