I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
