I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
