I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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