I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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