McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
