what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
