4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
