I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
