She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
