not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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