i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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