it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
