oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
